Inner Workings

      In response to the inner workings of a girl, to be brief at first, followed by a more descriptive summary. (P.s.-this might not be the best place to reply, but I like the blog.)

You make me feel awful for my honesty.
I sincerely apologize for this. I desire you to be honest, to your absolute utmost! My intentions were never to scare you from integrity, but to encourage you towards it! I promise to make the effort in this that my judgments may never again interfere with truth.

It was 0-60 in under 10 seconds and that, along with other things you did, gave me (and I firmly believe that any girl would have thought this way…) the impression that you wanted more than friendship. 
I understand completely where you’re coming from. There was absolutely no hint that I gave you to lead you in any other direction other than a romantic sort of relationship, and I apologize sincerely. Relationship defining will from now on always be the first step to a friendship of mine.

 …and the rest of it I still can’t figure out.  Sorry to not have more faith in you, but I just can’t read your heart. 
I’m really a vampire. You’ll never figure me out. (Actually, seriously though, not being able to read my heart could be very dangerous. I will help you with that, just direct me in the way you need).

You shock me that you categorize all your actions in the ‘polite and gentlemanly’ label. 
Why? This I’m not sure I understand. I don’t categorize ALL my actions this way. But yes, things like pulling out a chair for a gal at dinner, opening the door, etc I would consider to be proper manners.

 Yes you can make it obnoxiously clear that everything is on a friends level.  I would have loved that!  But you didn’t.
Again I apologize for this, and as previously mentioned, I will make this the starting point.

and my own desire to be physically affectionate (romantically or not) have been beaten into submission.
What? Why? You SHOULD definitely be physically affectionate, romantically AND not. (Is that proper English?) Regardless of your past, aside from being physically abused as a child, (and even then!) it is imperative that we as humans connect on all levels, physically especially! Because a hug is more than a physical thing (it touches all levels) it is important that we uphold such greetings. A kiss on the cheek in other countries, big bear hugs in some, baths in others…No matter what the culture, physical touch is important to proper, healthy growth. And like it or not, you’re getting a hug from me often. Ok, not the 7 second ones if that’s a ‘boundary’, but still a hug.

What is a girl supposed to do to guard her own heart? But what about guarding myself emotionally?
This question MUST be saved for the next blog.

I want my future husband to be my best friend.  So what does it mean if a guy that I know is becoming my best friend? 
Don’t worry! Is your best friend now going to be your best friend for the rest of your life? One would hope, but when you get married, that automatically puts your man in the position to be your best friend FOR LIFE. You previous best friend is not any less important to you as a friend, but he/she is no longer your #1 ULTRA UBER BESTest WORLD Friend. They come SECOND. And, the cool thing is, as your previous best friend, and a mature adult, they will understand that your spouse is first, and they will be ok with that.

 But it just blew my mind that anyone would suddenly be so determined to be my friend. 
I understand a rarity. Mind BOgLInG I know. (: But the Lord blest me with a “finish the job” attitude, and if I start something, I intend on completing it, unless otherwise incapable. You’re not THAT hard to love. (:  

 Most guys are not that brave.  Moment of truth:  I’m just scared to know and love you so well. 
Hopefully I’m not most guys. Moment of truth: don’t be scared. Knowing and loving a creepy guy with a mustache might be one thing, but hopefully I’m not that scary. Honesty goes a looong way in a relationship and I’m sorry for eating you when you opened up to critique me, but that won’t happen again. I didn’t come through for you that time, and I understand I will still have to prove myself, but I am letting you know that I am ready to do so (ok, not being your ‘hero’, that’s not what you want to hear) but as a FRIEND, I will be there.  

 I haven’t been in this situation before so just be patient with me.  I am being so honest with you that it scares me.
And again, I appreciate your honesty so much. Be scared a little (because if you weren’t, I would question the wholeness of your honesty) but don’t worry about being honest, worry about NOT being honest.

Will it freak you out if I say “I love you and goodnight”? Do you understand what I mean by that?
Of course I understand, and no, it won’t freak me out. The goodnight part maybe a little. (: But really, it takes a brave friend to tell their friend that they Love them, and I appreciate that a lot. Gerrit and I aren’t even to that point yet.

I truly think that reflecting on WHY we do things is the key to growth.
The Present Key to understanding the Future, is held in the Past.

Genuinely and vulnerably,
Well put.


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