A diamond in the rough is more precious to me than one that has a coating of polish, because I can see the imperfections and know that I have the real thing, and then I get the satisfaction and excitement of making it beautiful. -tcm.
First published in 1812 by the Brothers Grimm, the story of Repunzel carries farther than the pages and colorful pictures of their children’s book. The enchanted forest and evil witch…the high tower and impenetrable walls…the beautiful girl with silky hair…the daring prince. This tale is full of obstacles, chivalry, and a weakness that produces an unbreakable love.
I had a friend say to me once, “if we as girls show our urging desire for a ‘Knight in Shining Armor,’ the world tells us we are weak and impractical.” And it surely is a sad, sad day when we go on existing to please those of the world. Oh but this story, and the Truth, is so much more!
How many guys out there live their lives in fear of rejection? How many guys live their lives in fear of anything? Too many of us once ‘men’, today have been feminized to the point of fearful existence, a sniveling excuse for passive behavior, especially when it comes to ‘rescuing the damsel in distress.’
And how many girls have been told the same lie as my friend? That you are weak, that emotions are childish, that insecurities are equivalent to failure, and that if you aren’t all ‘surface’, no one will like you? Too many girls today exist in a constant ‘state of play’ where everything they do has an alternate reason, a multifaceted execution where eventually they get so confused within themselves as to their own intentions, that the attractive tender beauty is slowly blotted out and replaced with some shallow alter ego.
And how many times have we all been told that we are equal? That women can work and men can stay at home…that a man can do anything a female can, and vise versa…that it’s ok for Johnny to wear makeup, and it’s ok for Sarah to wear boy clothes…that girls are not in ‘distress’, and are as tough as nails and don’t need a hero, and that guys are sensitive beings who are too caught up in themselves to notice the damsel in distress, and even if they did, would be too afraid to do anything about it…So many lies! We are blasted with these lies all over the place! From girl ‘hip-huggers’ in the boys jean department to shapeless suits for the female worker—we’ve got it all.
The question is posed now, however; is marriage not a good thing today? And the only honest way to reply is with another question. How many honest marriages do we see any more? How many real weddings, real guy-and-girl, real involve-the-whole-family life-long God-determined Unions do we as young adults behold? I’ll leave that up to you.
But I do know this. Two things must come into play before a guy and gal can truly appreciate each other, and truly experience the awesome way a love-filled marriage was designed.
First, the girl must come to terms with herself. She must realize that she is in fact a damsel, and she must allow herself to be in distress. No, I am not saying strap yourself to the railroad ties. But allow your natural weaknesses show. If it’s your first time shooting a gun, loose the ‘tough girl’ attitude and do not pretend like you can handle it if you can’t. Let the Hero rescue you. Show your breaking point. Let your vulnerabilities be a part of you, instead of trying to bury them all the time. Being chivalrous is not implying weakness, but is in fact our way of asking you to make us feel worthy of your love. Let your heart be timid yet confident. This is that Tender Beauty that we as guys deep down crave to rescue. Put yourself on the line, and be strong enough to be weak. So step one; be that Damsel in Distress.
Second, we as guys have to man-up. It is absolutely imperative that we come through for her! She is putting herself out on the line for us, trusting with her whole heart that we will save her, and we must! This is the key breaking point where most relationships fail. It can all be tied back to this one concept. She puts us to the test, trusts us with her vulnerability, and we take the easy way out, the passive heartless way that leaves her stranded and alone, and leaves us unfulfilled and ashamed. Ultimately leaving both of us insecure about ourselves, and so we button up to ‘go tough’. We need to be the Hero. We have to show her how to properly sight the rifle, how to position it against her shoulder, how to look down the barrel and caress the trigger on the exhale. She is trusting us, we need to show her that we are man enough for her trust, that we can handle it. And this works two ways. It builds the trust, gives her confidence, and empowers us as the man. Remember, we are not the tight jeans and limp handshake boy, we are the Knight in high-polished steel! We carry a sword, not a book bag! We cut down any obstacle in our path to win fair lady’s heart! This relationship is both a tender thing and a rough n’ tough thing! A tender heart in a pair of blue jeans. So step two; be the Knight in Shining Armor.
Deep down, girls fantasize about a tower and high walls. Deep down, they are waiting at the window, looking out across the land, scouring every miniscule piece of earth with a hope that they will catch a glimpse of their Prince. And not the long curly locks polished nails and lederhosen-type Prince. But the visor down valiant steed heavy steel coarse hair sword drawn-type Prince. And the strength she’s dying for is not that of brawn, but rather that of heart, spirit, mind and soul.
So next time you’re out with your friends, or on that hot date, just remember, our world today is killing us slowly. It is up to both of us to shake loose the clasp of pressure, and live vulnerably, heroically.
Chivalry is not dead, but rather, a lost art and a beautiful thing.